Prank the Monkey: The ZUG Book of Pranks

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Monkey vs. Moby-Dick

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  • Introduction Challenge
  • Sales Challenge
  • First Chapter Challenge
  • Comedy Challenge
  • Wordplay Challenge
  • Title Typo Challenge
  • Conciseness Challenge
  • Tolerance Challenge
  • Style Challenge
  • Conclusion

  • Tolerance Challenge

    Several early readers of my book accused me of being racist, which is a charge I get on occasion, because I dare to describe someone as Indian or Latino. But Melville makes Michael Richards look like a spokesman for the NAACP. Check out this real-life passage from America's proudest book, where an elderly Negro cook yells at some sharks, Uncle Remus-style:

    "Fellow-critters: I'se ordered here to say dat you must stop dat dam noise dare. You hear? Stop dat dam smackin' ob de lip! Massa Stubb say dat you can fill your dam bellies up to de hatchings, but by Gor! You must stop dat dam racket! ... Do you is all sharks, and by nature wery woracious, yet I zay to you, fellow-critters, dat dat woraciousness -- 'top dat dam slappin' ob de tail! How you tink to hear, 'spose you keep up such a dam slappin' and bitin' dare?"

    This offensive Stepin Fetchit dialogue goes on for several pages. I guess Moby-Dick was the product of a simpler time ... when black people were stupid.


    Dick: 0

    Monkey: 8

    Next: Style Challenge!

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